apathetic Music: Memories of Soweto - Mattafix Reading: Madame BovaryMy heart sank the moment my mother suggested combining her 60th birthday celebration with my college graduation party.
Initially, I wanted a small graduation party with my friends from Modesto. They hadn’t been to Vegas before, and that’s what started the whole thing. I saw no better reason to visit this behemoth of a city than for them to be there for my walk across the stage. No biggie right? It was going to be a small potluck in our house followed by the commencement, and then hitting the Strip to see how much trouble we can get into afterwards. I didn’t want to make it a big deal but I did want a little celebration out of it.
Well, about a month ago, my mom “wanted in” because it’s her 60th birthday this year. 60 is a big milestone, and it’s something that should be shared with people. I get that. However, I knew the moment I started mentioning this get-together, the wheels would start to turn in her head and she’d figure out a way to complicate my plans. I even SAW the wheels turning, because that’s how well I know my mommy. lol. 
One complication was a necessity: new furniture for the living room, which is GLORIOUS, lemme tell ya. Another is the backyard, which I might not even do anymore if no one is going to come to our house, but we’ll see.
Her birthday is actually a few weeks before my actual commencement ceremony though. My mother is notorious in our family for saving money this way. By “this way,” I mean combining celebrations. If you ever got an invitation to a party at our house, you knew it was because she wanted to celebrate the following: their wedding anniversary, someone’s first communion, this sibling’s birthday two weeks from now, the newest addition’s baptism, such and such’s birthday two months before, etc.
Whenever we had a big shindig, it was always this big messy family party with a conflagration of people from both sides of the family. Maybe these combination celebrations were a way for them to save gas money because we lived out in the boonies of Modesto, which is a good 2 hours away from the Bay Area (where most of them still live to this day), depending on traffic.
I don’t like big crowds. Period. I’ve been like this since I was a kid. In fact, during these massive shindigs, I would hide upstairs in my dad’s room, watching TV until I got yelled at to join the party. I wouldn’t hide out in my room because I knew they’d try and find me there, lol. Hated those parties. HATED ‘em. I can’t even explain it. I cried a couple of times at those things in pure frustration without even realizing why. Now I do, obviously. I just hated dealing with all those people at once, family or not.
I hate family reunions too. Plastering a fake smile on your face for people who don’t care about you any other day of the year is simply not my cuppa. In fact, even during regular family parties, I’d park my ass in front of the TV and hope no one would bother me. I would keep my mouth shut and hope I’d fade away into the couch cushions. If they did bother me, I’d make it a point to skulk away and find some dark corner to hide away in. In case you joined the program already in progress, I’m not a sociable creature unless I have to be.
Anyways, since most of my mother’s sisters’ families (and there’s a LOT of them) live in Vegas, she wants them to be there. That’s her prerogative because it’s her birthday party too. But a chill went down my spine when she started pushing me, asking how many people were going to come. I’m like, “Really Ma? How many people are you inviting??”
I’ll be honest: I have not seen in person nor spoken to my mother’s side of the family except through Facebook and maybe our website in a couple of years for perfectly justified reasons. I’m not even friends with all of them on Facebook. It’s a select few, the cousins and aunties I can stand. But they prolly stalk my Facebook and report back to everyone else because they are world-class makers of chismis. Maybe I should unfriend them? lol.
Now my mom’s stressing about venues, how we’re going to have it catered, and how many people are actually coming. Either this is her way to overwhelm me, or to take control, IDK but I’m very conscious of the power play that is going on right now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ on a cracker, if we had just kept it to my friends, my Vegas kids, and the immediate family, then it would’ve been all fine and good. As of right now though, none of my brothers or sister or their families are confirmed to be coming, which makes me sad but what can you do? I’m not super duper close to any of my siblings really (and one of them lives in the same house as me! rofl), so they wouldn’t know just how important this event is to me. But they’re still my brothers and sister. I’d like to share this with them. It’s been so long since we’ve all been together. But financial situations, and getting our schedules all on the same page just doesn’t seem to come together when events like this happen.
I’m trying to be positive but my lips are in a thin line when I smile thinking about this whole thing. I would’ve footed the bill if it was just me and my friends, but if we’re making this into a big fat family thing (Mom’s guessing 75 people! WTF?), I’m gonna let my mom pay. She offered! What breaks my heart though is that she has to do overtime to pay for it. I wish there was a way for me to get OT to help pay but really, it’s gonna be skeleton crew at work for awhile. Maybe I’ll spring for our cakes. Something from Red Ribbon maybe. OM NOM NOM.
I also think I don’t like how this party planning is turning out because it’s not “mine” anymore. I have to share it. I’m pretty selfish, I suppose, but dang it, it was MY party to begin with. Graduating college is a huge milestone for me, personally. It’s a culmination of blood, sweat, tears and frustrations. Now I have to share it with a massive amount of people I don’t particularly care to share this joy with.
And another thing. My mother admitted to the saleslady when we bought our couch that one of my uncles advised her to “let” me “go.” I’m not even sure how we got onto that topic, but the saleslady said I had good skin. Then later on, as they were processing my credit, we (OK, they) started discussing me. It was weird. Why do people do that? Talk about you like you’re not even there?
First off, I’ve never been that kind of girl. If “letting go” means dressing provocatively, getting smashed every night and waking up not remembering a thing, I’ll pass. I don’t care to fit into anyone’s preconceived notions about what it is to be a young lady in the 21st century, thank you very much. Maybe my life is boring, maybe I am too quiet, maybe I’m “maturing” a little bit slower than a normal twentysomething, but fuck you. What about my life is so interesting that you have to tear it apart? What did I ever do to you?
How ridiculous is this? All these emotions from planning what should’ve been a simple party. Holy shit. Maybe I should just cancel the whole thing, and meet my friends for lunch, without involving the family.
*le sigh*
?: “How hard or easy is it to plan a party when extended family is involved for you?“
The less that can be said about me, the better.
I think the distance of an 8 hour flight across a continent makes me miss my extended family. But when I’m their, I feel suffocated so I can understand that bit.
I think you’re best of doing a lunch thing with your friends. That way its still your do and you can do the family thing separately.
I know I’m supposed to love them because they’re family, but I just don’t like being with them all at once.
Maybe. I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings or anything. She’s missing coming out to see us on her birthday to come to my graduation that weekend. So it would make sense to celebrate it all at once. Ughhh.