peaceful Music: Who Says - John Mayer Reading: Citizen Girl, World War ZI think those are the lyrics? lol.
So it’s been well over two weeks since I blogged? Wow. I don’t know. Blogging has sort of lost its luster to me. Some days I would blog because I had stuff to work out in my head, other days I would blog just to see who would respond, some days I had to force myself to say something because of NaBloPoMo. Now I’m feeling sort of meh about the whole process. I like feedback and if I don’t get it, it kinda feels like my creative output is diminished. I really am destined for a creative career of some sort, one where someone will see how I shine and criticize me, lol.
It’s early November and it’s still 80 degrees during the day here. 
We had some random wind storms last week but it didn’t keep the valley cool for very long. I wish it were cold, or at least cooler. Proper autumn weather isn’t too much to ask for, is it Mother Nature? It’s about 61 degrees rn, which isn’t too bad, but my room feels at least 80 even with the window open and the ceiling fan cranked up.
Work has been crazy busy, but that’s OK because more hours = more money. And I could use all the help I can get! My finances are still recovering from the epic birthday trip. Also, we are heading into our Christmas shutdown so the more hours I can pick up now, the better. I am also hoping they will open the position I have my eye on very soon. My mom said I should go for it, and really, what have I got to lose?
I haven’t heard squat from grad school and I am looking at it as a lost cause. I honestly think it’s because of my GPA. FML. But that’s OK. I wasn’t even sure I was going to get in. I applied on a whim. If I get in, I get in, if not, I’ll survive. And it’s not like I can’t get a job without it. I have enough job experience to get whatever I want. I just won’t be able to do archiving or anything. Unless I work my way up from the bottom. Who knows? Who cares? I’ll figure it out once I get my bachelor’s out of the way.
Speaking of school, the 3 classes I need to graduate they’re offering in the spring! I needed some positive reinforcement from my advisor since I’ve technically taken 2 semesters off so I wasn’t sure how far behind I was. I wouldn’t say taken off, but for those 2 (including this term), I only took 1 class. Downside to my spring schedule: they meet 3 days a week. If I want the position that I am gunning for, I will need to work 5 days a week. So I was sort of working it out in my head that I can use the 5 extra unpaid days off that we were given this year every week until my vacation kicks back in to take this new position on.
I am only dreaming, of course. But I do tend to overplan for things, lol. First I have to get the job! I have to interview for it with someone higher up than my supervisors. I have to interview well too. I did win an award at work the other day, even though I do have a writeup with a guest in my files. If you’re my friend on FB, you know what the award was. I’m still shining inside because of it. When I got that writeup, I literally went into an emotional tailspin. I know I treated that guest badly, but I couldn’t stop myself. Then to win that award… that just makes it seem like a different person deserved that writeup, and not the one who won the award.
I need to work on smiling more apparently. That’s hard because I’m a hard-ass, lol. Well, that’s not it. I take things personally. If a guest doesn’t come up to me smiling, I tend not to smile back. It’s hard to fake a smile when someone is yelling at you. :/ I wonder why I’m in customer service, haha. I just want to punch people sometimes. I repress so much. It’s almost sickening.
On another note, it also doesn’t help my finances that I’ve been scoring rare Sugababes CDs and vinyl from eBay.co.uk. I got some sick remixes of “Overload” and “Soul Sound” that I can’t play because I haven’t got a record player yet. I KNOW RIGHT? I’m such a silly goose. But who cares? I am determined to flesh out my vinyl collection. So far all I’ve got are Killers and Sugababes on vinyl. I’ve got most of the good stuff, legally or otherwise. I really would love to get my greasy little paws on that Shanghai Nobody 7″ vinyl of “Nothing but Song.” That’s the holy grail for me rn, not even gonna lie.
Also I decided to make this blog public again. Who am I joking? If I can’t have an audience to my antics, I have no business blogging. Am I right?
?: “What is your unicorn, your Holy Grail? The one item in the world that would define your obsession?“
The less that can be said about me, the better.
I haven’t really got a holy grail right now.
But I say go for the job, if you don’t try you’ll never know. I try and live my life with the motto, “Never regret anything” I don’t want to be on my deathbed, surrounded by fat grandchildren who don’t care and are just waiting for me to die so they can get their greasy mitts on my estate, and wonder, why didn’t I do that? It really is an empowering thing to try and live your life with no regrets.
That’s my thinking. I’ve been waiting impatiently for years for things to fall into place: graduating college, getting a decent job, moving out (hopefully). Now that they are, I’m excited for them to happen. And I want them to happen now! Like Veruca Salt, haha.
I think it’s hard for me to say never regret anything, because there are things that I regret not doing because I was afraid or because I didn’t have the guts to stand up to those who told me no. It took me a good long time to face my fears. While I accept that and have grown from them, those regrets are still in my past.